poetry of a lost college girl
a collection of poetry written by a girl at rock bottom
in honor of the new year, I'm releasing a bit of the old to bring in the new. I wrote the following poems around 2018. as a collection, they serve as a time capsule of a girl I no longer know.
despite the dark subject matter of these pieces, I am so grateful for them. writing was a way to process my feelings and these were the first pieces that I really felt proud of at the time. writing helped me flow through the darkness, the intense emotions, and create something beautiful.
as lana del rey sings so angelically, “let me show you how sadness can turn into happiness / I can turn blue into something / beautiful.”
in this new year, may I continue to see and create beauty in everything.
too late
I don’t know how to live I certainly know how to die sometimes I wonder would anyone even cry? my presence here is pain I’m just wandering, day and night I’m sitting here in the rain my mind high in the sky I'm so high I’m so high I’m high goodbye but wait, I wish I could look you in the eye tell you that I want you by my side that you bring meaning to my life but I think it’s too late I’m feeling quite faint I’m slipping away maybe it’s fate
lexapro
lexapro lexahoe I feel too much I take this drug now I don’t feel enough I don’t feel like I’m enough so I let him fuck now I’m just a slut I feel so empty so I continue to allow his entry but I still feel empty he says he wants me but just til he cums because then he’ll forget me lexapro lexahoe fuck I really hate lexapro
i’m not suicidal
I’m not suicidal I’m far too idle but I welcome death it’s hard to explain I’m in so much pain but here I go anyway I won’t put a blade to my vein or a gun to my face but if I was walking down the street and saw a bus come my way I don’t think I’d change my pace I don’t think I’d step out the way or if some guy pulled over forced me into his range rover it would all be over maybe he’d bury me under a field of clover I wouldn’t mind everything would be alright honestly, it’d feel like a new height this is my plight
peach bellini
peach bellini i mean martini why doesn’t he love me? i’m eating tortellini in my bikini he says he wants to be in me. things get steamy he says i’m creamy but i know he’s just going to leave me. he says let’s make this speedy he’s so fucking greedy does he even need me? his breath is no longer heavy he gets up discreetly he doesn’t really see me.